Volume 21: Kikumaru’s New Step

Chapters 177-185
Lame Puns from Dabide: 1

Plot Events: Seigaku defeats Rokkaku in the semifinals and prepares to go up against Rikkai next

--------1----Kelfin----1--------

Wow, has it really been so long since I last posted? O____________O I’ve been much happier, lately—at least I’m no longer crying literally every day, so I'd count that as happier—but I have been distracted. By way of apology, let me introduce you to two wonderfully distracting things, so you, too, can forget the buffets of reality by immersing yourself in the fantastical colors. These are Glitch, a game that is supersupercute, and a My Little Pony ponymaker, so you can make ponies for everyone you know. Here is my pony of me:

Right, so it’s been so long since I’ve read the last volume, I’m a bit disoriented. Apparently Saeki’s there, so… they’re playing Rokkaku? Awesome, okay, I know where we are. XD …OH RIGHT. The doubles match where Saeki is leering at Eiji! Fuji’s comments to himself about how he is the real target make this extra creepy. (Clearly, I have been watching way too much Law & Order: SVU. And reading too many true crime stories… I love reading about serial killers D:)

I also love Rokkaku’s baby!cheerleaders. :3 Kids are so easily impressed LOL—I want some of my own. This is why I can never be a schoolteacher or a parent. I would be tempted to mold their little minds so that they adored me and did whatever I wanted, which is pretty much unethical. (I guess that sounds a little creepy after what I just said about serial killers. :/)

Oh hey, interlude with my favorite team~~~! Oh. Blech, it’s just them talking about how great Seigaku is—because they continue to “evolve”. Yeah, that’s dumb. I mean, I know it’s the premise of the entire manga—and basically every shōnen manga ever—but it’s kind of boring, isn’t it? Wouldn’t it be a better story if there were people who worked really hard and just never got better? Well, maybe not. Real life doesn’t always make a particularly good story, either. Well, either way, the point here is that Seigaku keeps “evolving”—by which they mean “improving”, but that doesn’t sound as cool—and are here being contrasted with Saeki, whose “potential has reached its climax”. …Oh, oh, omg, Eiji’s evolving too! Like we didn’t see that coming.

Oshitari: To be honest… I really don’t understand how those Seigaku guys do it.

I do, Oshitari. It’s called Blatant Author Interference.

(Also, I don’t believe that Dabide beat 200 guys, because whenever we actually see him playing tennis, he’s not that awesome.)

Cats can do that.

WAIT WAIT WAIT. We didn’t see THIS coming. Eiji has evolved to the point where he can clone himself?!?! NOT COOL. Just… not cool. Dude, think about it for a second. If these guys can do this kind of shit—pink tornadoes and mind powers and God knows what else—why haven’t they taken over the world with their superpowers? Shouldn’t the Self-Defense Forces be pounding down their doors? OMG, Prince of Tennis, PLEASE tell me that there are not literally two Eijis. PLEASE. I can’t believe no one calls foul on the physics of this!

Oh, thank God, Inui has some technobabble to explain this shit.

Science works like this.

So, it is while I am exclaiming over the improbability of this ridiculous idea that my husband turns to me and says:

Otto: So… he’s doing the Picard Maneuver?

Kelfin: There’s a name for it?!

Otto: Yeah. The Picard Maneuver comes from the Star Trek: The Next Generation Season One episode called “The Battle”. The ship does a quick warp, going faster than the speed of light, so it leaves an afterimage of itself, thus confusing the enemy as to its location. This was used against the Ferengi—

Kelfin: OMG IS THERE VIDEO FOOTAGE

Otto: I can’t find any, but here is a YouTube vid someone made of how it works.

Kelfin: This is gold.

Otto: Now, it should be mentioned that there is another so-called “Picard Maneuver”, which consists of Picard constantly tugging down his shirt… 

Coach Ryūzaki explains to us that Eiji has evolved because he’s been cheating playing tennis with Fuji and Momo. It’s probably true that this is good for him, but since it doesn’t suit my strict BL morals, I’m going to be disgruntled about it.

Anyway, I feel bad for Saeki and Itsuki, even if they are secretly serial rapists, because they are actually playing good tennis. Like, with actual good ideas and stuff. No magic tricks there. Well, that match is over. :/ Wait… Is Itsuki crying?

I think these pictures of Ryōma at the beginning of each chapter are supposed to be cute, but he’s not doing it for me. I’ve been reading Temeraire books and am not in the mood to be patient with roguish types. The captions, on the other hand, are hilarious. “He’s the majestic little giant!! Bearing the word ‘Seigaku’ on his back!!” *snigger*

It’s set up so that we think the next person who will play is Ryōma; after all, he does play Singles 3 a lot. But it’s actually Kaidō, which makes me sigh: the Rokkaku match is no longer guaranteed to be over with the next match. :/ Let’s face it, you guys, Rokkaku is just not that interesting. Anyway, I hate Aoi Kentarō (wow, I am crabby today), and since I like and respect Kaidō very much, I will be doubly pleased if Aoi loses.

Oooh, consecutive snake shots! Everyone say it: CONSECUTIVE SNAKE! CONSECUTIVE SNAKE!

Alas, I know this manga far too well to think that a game count of 4-0 in Kaidō’s favor means that this will be a one-chapter match. Oh, of course, Aoi has lost four games on purpose, just to impress girls. Isn’t that cu—HE’S A DICKFACE. If I were Kaidō, I’d be pissed. (Actually, I’m already pretty pissed.) That’s probably the real reason Aoi does it. I bet he’s never even “kissed with” a girl once. Oh, I’m wrong. He’s been kissed by at least one girl… whose affection, apparently, depended on how well he played tennis. Sounds like a classy broad.

Well, Kentarō’s method of talking himself through the game is, I suppose, interesting if dishonorable. Nevertheless, Kaidō is offended. I can’t help but feel smug when Kaidō wins. *smug*

Meanwhile, Ryōma drops by the Fudōmine vs. Rikkai match. Ew, Akaya is not cute; he’s all gross with sweat. (Why does Arii like him so much?) Ryōma may be stunned by Rikkai’s overwhelming victory, but I am merely stunned by the length of their legs. They all look really freaking crabby, that’s for sure.

His info is backed up by the video footage of Rikkai’s match sent to Seigaku by Inoue, which makes me wonder, can journalists do that—send footage of teams to other teams? Isn’t that unethical? I’m pretty sure that’s reporter bias.

Following this is a bunch of pictures of Rikkai which are clearly intended to impress us with their scary skills, but mostly they just impress me with the fact that Yagyū is hot. 333:

These kids get way too worked up. You’d think they’d have discovered by now that none of the teams they get so scared about are actually soul-sucking monsters. Ryōma is supposed to be traumatized just from witnessing their “overwhelming dominance”???

Oh well. Everybody needs pep talks. ♥

Okay, isn’t it stupid that Rikkai only has seven people? Isn’t that dumb? What if one of them gets si—AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA never mind.

LOL Ōishi’s clandestine meetings with the doctor—I totally thought it was a drug deal for a minute there.

My after-school clubs always met for like six hours at a time.

Whoa, whoa, Ryōma has time in the middle of practice for a four-hour racket-fixing break?! This is just… so far from reality, idek. Plus, I’m pretty sure sending a twelve-year-old on a 23km run with ankle weights isn’t going to magically make him better for the next tourney. Haven’t you guys ever heard of stress fractures? Geez.

Oh, of course. He just happens to run into Rikkai while he’s on his errand. And he challenges them in the street. Sigh.

JUST SAY NO, RIKKAI KIDS